I Am Not A Slob (Part One)

A fictional story with a moral chime.

I am not certain exactly. I think it all started after she left me. You cannot put your finger on when these things begin, but very soon you are a changed man. It just took me ages to realise it. I am a slob. I mean it didn’t happen overnight. My love of computer games can’t have helped. My single mates were always playing them and texting me to jump on board. Every day after work I had to wolf my dinner down so I could join in with an online mission. It literally was a call of duty. But I had always been into gaming and I hadn’t always been obese. And even when I did pile on the pounds, it happened so slowly and with such subtlety that I just kind of ignored the whole thing. I am not saying that being fat is a bad thing. It is just that I had never expected I would be overweight and it really did not feel good. Having said that, many fuller figured people love their lives and are proud of their bodies. I am not knocking that; but it was my lifestyle overall.

It had consumed me. My fast food diet has sucked the energy out of me and I had stopped interacting with the real world. Found only in an online shoot-em-up game. That world seemed far more exciting than my single life, without Sarah and without many people who wanted to spend time with me. At least that was how it had felt. I realise that actually it was me that had cut myself off from everyone.

Even the friends who played computer games with me seemed to be more appealing in the game than in the flesh. When Mark asked me to meet for food I told him to log in and suggested we could have a live game while each ordering take aways. I persuaded him it saved the hassle of both wasting time driving to a restaurant.

What had I become?

Take Away Desires

Everybody get the munchies, right?

Why is it that the need for ‘takeaway’ food is heightened on Friday evenings? In England, the tradition on a Friday night was to have fish and chips at home or from a chip shop. This was the way it always used to be throughout the seventies and eighties; my childhood.As the nineties brought more opportunities to taste food from around the world and Chinese and Indian restaurants became more prevalent, people began to taste new, exotic foods and quickly they became available from home, prompted by a mere phone call. Delivered pizzas and even kebabs became all the rage.Nowadays ‘takeaways’ are cheap and quick to get hold of at the click of a button. I have my finger peeled over the ‘Just Eat’ app most Fridays as soon as I begin the journey home from work. Everyone is talking about what they want to eat at the weekend and it usually involves NO use of home ovens and pots and pans.Are we all lazier than in the old days? Is it really a bad thing? Will out health suffer as a result of such an obsession with fried food?I am not so sure. It seems to me that before takeaways existed, people used their own chip pans and deep fat friers a lot. You only need to refer to the number of fires caused by them in the seventies to see that we always loved our fried foods. We just don’t smoke out our own houses quite so much these days. We prefer a restaurant to do that bit for us. Scrolling through a menu on an iPad is far more fun than trying to read a part stained, crinkled up old menu that was stick to the fridge for months… and way better than spending ages bent over a steaming stove!

I say let’s enjoy our takeaway culture and especially treat ourselves on Friday Nights!